Some More Good 'ol Angry Threats from Christians

If you have been recently walking around saying to yourself, "man, it's been a while since Pat Robertson has made headlines with some obnoxious, juvenile assassination threat or some sort of message from God that he's going to smite gays, Jews, or the New York Times in a fiery ball of hell," as of yesterday, you need not wonder any longer.

What’s got Pat all huffy now?

Recently, in a rare but glowing sliver of hope among the American populace at the polls, the city of Dover voted to oust every single Republican school board member who advocated the teaching of Intelligent Design alongside science – in their kids’ science classes (Kansas voters, we’re all looking for you to do the same…but no one is holding their collective breath).

Lest the conservative Christians of America get their Rapture manuals out, breathe easier knowing that many Dover residents still attend Church, they believe in God, and they haven’t started Satanically slaughtering each other yet – but they do feel that science should be taught in public school science classes, and religion should be taught at the Mosque, Church, Synagogue, or wherever else appropriate

What say you to this Pat?

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city.

And don’t wonder why he hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there.”

Well I’ll be. It turns out that God, the most powerful entity of anything in the entire universe, has to cope with the vulnerable flaws of jealousy, anger, and vengeance – like my friend’s 1-year-old when he doesn’t get his bottle.

I never knew this.

The good news for Dover though, is apparently God works slowly however, because the state of Massachusetts has yet to morph into a dung beetle eternally bound to Hell after passing gay marriage laws. Same with Canada an other European nations who did the same.

Hurricane season isn’t official over yet though, so let’s wait and see what happens.