Fundamentalist Christians Are Cute

While any natural disaster is devastating and incredibly heart-wrenching for anyone affected, there's one piece of comic relief one can always depend on during these hardships: the Religious Right's explanation for it.

When we last left our bat-shit, closet schizophrenics in the Religious Right, they were lying their Bible-clutching asses off about Pat Robertson's latest assassination suggestion. The most recent statement from this group, however, that solidifies the argument that they should all be hog-tied and launched into the Pacific Ocean like flying Purdue Chickens? Read the following, from Salon.com:

We reported last night on the cause of Hurricane Katrina -- at least in the eyes of an antiabortion group called Columbia Christians for Life. The storm, the group says, is God's way of punishing Louisiana for having 10 abortion clinics. (In an e-mail message Salon received, a group calling itself Columbia Christians for Life alerts them to the fact that a satellite image of Hurricane Katrina as it hit the Gulf Coast Monday looks just like a six-week-old fetus...see below).

Well, at least that's what the Columbia Christians for Life were saying yesterday. We've just received another e-mail from the group, and now it seems to be saying that God sent Katrina after Louisiana to prevent Southern Decadence, an annual gay-themed bash that was scheduled for Labor Day weekend in New Orleans.

The Columbia Christians for Life forwarded to us a press release from a Philadelphia-based outfit called Repent America. In it, Repent America director Michael Marcavage explains: "Although the loss of lives is deeply saddening, this act of God destroyed a wicked city. From 'Girls Gone Wild' to 'Southern Decadence,' New Orleans was a city that had its doors wide open to the public celebration of sin. May it never be the same."

Hurricane Dubya

A curious detail was noted by a couple reporters and casual observers recently regarding the devastation caused by hurricane Katrina: the flooding got a helluva lot worse after the storm was long gone.

Obviously, the levees completely failed, and as Zeppelin once warned us, that's not a good thing.

In fact, during times of natural disasters such as this one of the two most important forms of relief is federal funding (hence governors declaring states of emergencies) to aid in flood damage, structural damage from other elements such as wind, and planning/development of emergency shelters and other procedures. The other is actually getting boots on the ground to help with the relief effort in the form of the national guard.

So where are both the money and the National Guard support for the lower Southeast?

They're both in Iraq.

Before you conservatives get your diapers wet with anger thinking liberals are blaming the hurricane damage on Bush, consider this, circulating in articles in some of todays newspapers:

• In 1995 Congress authorized the Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project, or SELA, meant to aid in disasters exactly like what New Orleans is facing right now.
• The Army Corps of Engineers is tasked with creating actual flood and hurricane damage protection from that funding.
• The Corps never tried to hide the fact that the spending pressures of the war in Iraq, as well as homeland security -- coming at the same time as federal tax cuts --
  was the reason for the strain.
• At least nine articles in the Times-Picayune from 2004 and 2005 specifically cite the cost of Iraq as a reason for the lack of hurricane- and flood-control dollars.
• In early 2004, as the cost of the conflict in Iraq soared, President Bush proposed spending less than 20 percent of what the Corps said was needed for Lake Pontchartrain, according to a Feb. 16, 2004, article, in New Orleans CityBusiness.
• In June 2005, Bush cut budget funds that would have helped New Orleans prepare for a Hurricane like this. The New Orleans branch of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers suffered a "record $71.2 million" reduction in federal funding, a 44.2 percent reduction from its 2001 levels.
• A year ago the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush administration ordered that the research not be undertaken.
• Reports at the time said that thanks to the cuts, "major hurricane and flood protection projects will not be awarded to local engineering firms. …a study to determine ways to protect the region from a Category 5 hurricane has been shelved for now."
• By comparison, in the aftermath of Hurricane Frances -- and the run-up to the 2004 election -- the Bush administration awarded $31 million in disaster relief to Florida residents who didn't even experience hurricane damage.

Considering all of this, you would think Bush was just a little panicked as predictions from the National Hurricane Center suggested that this may be one of the most powerful storms in recent history, hitting one of the most vulnerable areas in recently history. So what did Bush do as the hurricane was battering the Louisiana coast?

He played guitar.

To Bush's credit however, he did cut his month long, record setting vacation by two days to get back to Washington and pray for some of the victims of which his federal funding cuts screwed in the first place.

But I must say, Dubya seems to be a bit slow on the draw when it comes to major catastrophes, and I'm not talking about entering a Florida school to read a story to grade school kids after the first WTC tower was attacked, and staying there several minutes after the second one was hit.

I'm speaking of the month-long 2004 vacation from which he refused to budge when the Asian Tsunami swept the lives of hundreds of thousands away earlier this year. Bush was criticized after spending the entire month of December away from the White House, while many other world leaders, such as German Chancellor Schroeder, ended their holiday vacations immediately.

Further, Bush didn't speak publicly about the issue until several days later, after the death toll had climbed well over 50,000. He ended up with an initial offer of $15 million to the devastated region - less than the price of a fighter jet - continuing the American trend of giving the smallest percentage of it's GNP to aid poorer nations around the world.

In fact, there was really only one way to get Bush to cut this latest vacation short, and get down to Louisiana as quickly as possible - we should have told him a woman in Baton Rouge was about to get her feeding tube removed.

Ahh yes, the culture of life continues.

Read more about Bush's preparedness here, and here, and see Bush's special message to the victims of the hurricane here.

Pat Robertson Encourages the Violation of Commandment #6, Then Bears False Witness to Cover it Up.

Following the Right's documented pattern of, "say something stupid then lie about it to cover it up," Bush ally Pat Robertson stepped up to the plate for his turn recently during a broadcast of his incredibly amusing 700 club show.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if [Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez] thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war...We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

Considering the suggested assassination of a foreign leader is pretty serious stuff, Robertson actually made bold headlines with his ridiculous statement. While we all have gotten accustomed to laughing at statements leaders of the Religious Right make on a daily basis, I have to say that calling for someone's assassination might...just might, be at odds with the "culture of life" these guys claim to spearhead at every turn.

So, of course Robertson obeyed the very Ninth Commandment he'd like to see plastered on all public buildings by telling the truth about what he said...right Pat?

"Wait a minute, I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should, quote, 'take him out,' and 'take him out' can be a number of things including kidnapping. There are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP, but that happens all the time."

Therefore, if you are to believe both Robertson's claim and his support for his beloved Commandments, you would have to believe that in the statement, "if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," the pronoun it doesn't refer back to the substituted noun assassination, and that assassination doesn't involve killing, which thou shalt not do.

Makes perfect sense.

Oh, and don't forget to watch John Stuart's take on all this.

Attention Rush Limbaugh Fans - I have a bridge to sell you

Rush's comment last week about Cindy Sheehan's son and the circumstances revolving around her asking to speak to Bush between his fishin' time and nap time down in Crawford hit a nerve with a lot of people, especially with those who have lost friends and relatives in Iraq.

Specifically, Rush said, "I mean, Cindy Sheehan is just Bill Burkett. Her story is nothing more than forged documents. There's nothing about it that's real, including the mainstream media's glomming onto it. It's not real. It's nothing more than an attempt. It's the latest effort made by the coordinated left." (listen to the drug addict utter these words, here)

Consequently, for the 1,312,468th time, Rush Limbaugh said something offensive, it pissed people off, and he's blatantly trying to cover his tracks. Actually, on his show today, Al Franken made the perfect analogy:

"See this is what he does. He take a crap in public in front of everyone. And when someone says, 'hey look, that guy just took a crap in public,' Rush kicks dust over it to cover it up to deny he really just took a crap in front of you."

So, Rush has received some hate mail. Actually, LOTS of hate mail. Keith Olberman has publicly called him out on it on MSNBC, and various organizations that document the stupid shit Rush says on a daily basis that's offensive to women, low income people, people of color, free-thinking progressives, and anyone else who is not wealthy, white, male and heterosexual are going after him - as they should - and holding him responsible for his comments.

And what is Rush's response?

"Apparently, what's out there is that I said that Cindy Sheehan is no different than Bill Burkett, that Bill Burkett lied and Cindy Sheehan lied. They're actually out there, people saying that I am accusing Cindy Sheehan of making up the fact that she had a son and making up the fact that her son died in Iraq. And of course, I've never said this." (listen to the audio here)

Now, listen to both clips below and tell me if you can think of any reason why people might think Rush is lying, just a little bit about this:

Click here, and listen. Take a minute, think about what was said. Now click here.

Apparently he has also had his web site admin erase some of the documentation and transcriptions on his site referring to Sheehan, so if you go there now, you're not going to find much. All this despite the fact that anyone doing a 3 second Google search can obtain the audio, Rush is actually denying he ever said any of this. To be fair to Rush, he isn't the only Right wing media figure to trash Cindy Sheehan - because you know, the Republicans support the troops.

I seriously wonder if Rush's audience has been conditioned, like dogs to sit and lay down, that when he constantly denies and backtracks over statements like these that he didn't in fact ever say them.

It's a Bird...It's a Plane...It's Bill Maher!

Thank GOD...not the angry, fag-hating Bush campaigning God who cries when you burn the flag but smiles when you violate human rights - but rather the God our founding fathers worshipped - for the return of Real Time with Bill Maher.

For those of you who miss this hour-long, delicious slice of sanity, humor, and political discussion for those of us who still have a free thought at least once month, you really need tune into HBO on Friday nights, at 11pm. (And don't give me that, "it's on too late" bullshit - you know as well as I do if Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken were playing a Disney benefit at midnight to support the troops and raise money to bomb Iran, you'd be taping it on like 4 different VCR's and two Tivo systems).

Given the fact that most of the corporate media outlets don't challenge their conservative guests when they spew total fire-breathing lies out of their tight-lipped, sex-deprived mouths, Maher fans do more than just nod in agreement and laugh - they sometimes applaud and cheer him on. As usual, Bill's last show featured balanced panel (actually this one leaned more to the Right than to the center) of conservatives and liberals, both in the studio and via satellite to talk about a variety of topics and, as usual, it absolutely amazes me how much these Right-wingers made themselves look ridiculous by trying to defend George W Bush.

What is the difference, you ask, between conservatives lying on CNN and lying on Mahers show? The answer is simple: Maher calls them on it. And as a result, the conservatives get frustrated - they squirm and they reveal a lot about themselves and their discourse in less than 60 minutes.

So, without ado, I'd like to recap some observations from the latest Real Time, with Bill Maher:

1. Maher doesn't let conservative bullshitters off the hook - The first exchange of the show between Ann Coulter's twin KellyAnn Conway and Maher was regarding women in Iraq and Iraq's new constitution. Maher eluded to the fact that Iraq, despite Saddam's reign, was one of the more progressive Middle Eastern nations, distinguishing itself sharply from Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Iran and others when it came to women's rights by ignoring many of the strict fundamentalist, conservative interpretations of the Koran. As a result of our invasion, many of the fundamentalist leaders whose influence in government was previously non-exist are playing a major role in shaping the government and law enforcement, similar to strict Islamic nations (you know, the ones the 9/11 hijackers came from).

Conway on the other hand, tried to make the claim that women were in fact advancing, and that women who were confined to burkas and had limited rights are now gaining gender equality since our invasion. Here's the transcript:

MAHER: --and the fact that women may be taking a giant step backward in Iraq , because the theocrats may very well be taking over. For example, in the southern city of Basrah , I read that the police department is really just... the religious police. Like in Saudi Arabia . They've just been enforcing the Shiite mentality, which is that, you know, any woman who wears makeup gets her head cut off. Women are not advancing in Iraq . Excuse—

CONWAY : [overlaps] They are.

MAHER: [overlaps] They are? What ass are you pulling this out of? [laughter]

2. Conservatives are hilarious when they try to defend the indefensible - Later in the show Maher brought up the fact that Bush is going to break Ronny Reagan's old record for most vacation time taken by a sitting president and while I'm thinking to myself, "ok, how in the hell is she going to defend this one," I almost spit my drink out when she tried...so did the audience.

MAHER: ...but let me just say, well, let me ask you first. Now people have said, they've noted that he's shattering Ronald Reagan's record of being on vacation. He's already been on vacation 319 days out of his five years, and they have a problem with that. Do you have a problem with that—

CONWAY : No.

MAHER: --with the president being away that much?

CONWAY : Yeah, it's good. In fact, people in this country don't know how to vacation anymore. Everybody goes on vacation... [laughter] and they— [laughter]

3. Ironically, some of the biggest names in the conservative movement have gay children, and get very embarrassed and defensive when someone brings it up - Whether it's Dick Cheney during the debate with Edwards last year, or Alan Keyes on the Randi Rhoads show, or the most recent example of this - Phyllis Schlafly on this particular evening, these "who will save the children" conservatives get very agitated when they're asked about the conflict between having gay children and revolving most, if not all of their political lives campaigning against gays, lesbians and their freedoms.

I honestly don't know if it's from shame, guilt, or the fact that these people are being exposed in public for what horrible parents are by actually preaching intolerance toward their very own children simply for who they are - but conservatives who are called on this during interviews behave very strangely. Their entire tone and expressions change, and they look like they're going to shed tears. Schlafly, one of the pioneers of the conservative Christian movement was no exception:

SCHLAFLY: Well Bill, the thing about gays, if they want to change our marriage law, they should go to the state legislatures and try to get them to revise or repeal the laws we have. But they know they can't do that. They know no legislature will give them what they want. So, they run to the supremacist judges to try to get the judges to rule it.

MAHER: But does it say in the—

SCHLAFLY: [overlaps] And that's what we don't like.

MAHER: Does it say – you keep talking about the constitution. Does it say in the constitution that marriage is only between a man and a woman? Does the constitution address the issue of weddings at all? [applause]

SCHLAFLY: No, the constitution doesn't. But the constitution does not give the judges the power to define marriage.

MAHER: I mean, your own son is gay—

SCHLAFLY: Oh come on, Bill.

MAHER: I'm not saying that as a critique. I mean, that's well-known. Right?

SCHLAFLY: All right, if the gays want to change our laws, they should go to the legislature and do it like all the rest of us do when we want to change the laws. They should not run to a judge and try to get the judge to change the definition of marriage. Because that's not right.

MAHER: But I'm just asking, why so many... conservatives seem to have gay children? Dick Cheney, Alan... [laughter] I don't mean this... [applause] no. [to audience] Please, please. [to Schlafly] I'm just asking. I'm not trying to be frivolous—

SCHLAFLY: I thought we were having a high level discussion about the constitution?

MAHER: [long beat] Well...

SCHLAFLY: Yes.

Think about this for a second. To have your entire persona - what you're known to the public for, what you've achieved and the difference you've made in this world - revolve around openly preaching about how homosexuals should be scorned, are harmful to society and should have their freedoms limited - when your own child is gay - you have to be an amazingly hateful person.

3. Bill Maher calls organized religion on it's bullshit - This was my favorite part of the show. Maher took the last few minutes of the show to comment on the incredibly wasteful, and frankly embarrassing battle between scientists and bat-shit fundamentalist Christians regarding Intelligent design being taught in classrooms.

Intelligent design is a baseless, completely unscientific religious movement that substituted the push for Creationism when it was discovered that no one really took Creationists and their urge to violate the 1st amendment by teaching it in public schools seriously. Here's Maher's take:

MAHER: And finally New Rule: You don't have to teach both sides of a debate, if one side is a load of crap. [cheers] [applause]

Now, President Bush recently suggested that public schools should teach intelligent design, alongside the theory of evolution. Because, after all, evolution is quote, "just a theory." Then the President renewed his vow to drive the terrorists straight over the edge of the earth. [laughter] [applause]

Now, here is what I don't get. President Bush is a brilliant scientist. [laughter] He's the man who proved you can mix two parts booze with one part cocaine, and still fly a jet fighter. [laughter] And yet... [applause] yet he just can't seem to accept that we descended from apes.

It just seems pathetic to be so insecure about your biological superiority, to a group of feces-flinging, rouge-buttocked monkeys, that you have to make up fairy tales. Like we came from Adam and Eve, and then cover stories for Adam and Eve like, intelligent design. Yeah, leaving the Earth in the hands of two naked teenagers. That's a real intelligent design. [laughter]

I'm sorry, folks, but it may very well may be that life is just a series of random events. And that there is no... master plan. But enough about Iraq . [laughter] [applause] Let me instead restate my thesis. There aren't necessarily two sides to every issue. If there were, the Republicans would have an opposition party. [audience reacts, then smattering of applause]

And an opposition party would point out that even though there's a debate, in schools, and government, about this, there is no debate among scientists. Evolution... [applause] is supported by the entire scientific community. Intelligent design is supported by guys online to see "The Dukes of Hazzard." [laughter] [applause]

And the reason there is no real debate, is that intelligent design isn't real science. It's the equivalent of saying that the thermos keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, because it's a god. [applause] It's so willfully ignorant you might as well worship the U.S. Mail. It came again! [laughter] Praise, Jesus! [applause]

No, stupidity isn't a form of knowing things. Thunder is high pressure air meeting low pressure air. It's not God bowling. [laughter] Babies come from storks is not a competing school of thought... [laughter] in medical school. We shouldn't teach both. The media shouldn't equate both. If Thomas Jefferson... [applause]

If Thomas Jefferson knew we were blurring the line this much between church and state, he would turn over in his slave. [groans] [laughter] [laughter] Now as for me, I believe in evolution and intelligent design. . I think God designed us in his image, but I also think God is a monkey! God bless you and goodnight! [laughter] [applause]

Texans Put Their Magnets Where Their Mouths Are

Everyone knows by now that Cindy Sheehan, mother of fallen soldier Casey Sheehan, went to "kill some time" down in Crawford Texas while Bush was in the middle of his whirlwind record setting vacation tour.

The protest, for lack of a better word, that Sheehan is staging has been peaceful, legal, and if you ask most Americans these days, pretty damn necessary. Even though she's met with Bush in the past, she wants to speak with him face to face, without the festive atmosphere, asking him one simple question: Mr Bush - given faulty intelligence, manipulation of facts, and completely flip flopping the reasons for going to war in the first place - why are you such an asshole?
Actually, she wants to know why we're still in Iraq, and for what cause did her son die for if soldiers were sent to Iraq to die for totally different reasons.

It makes sense, but I can answer Cindy's first question pretty easily.

Cindy - we're still in Iraq because we took what was a nation almost entirely free of car bombings, snipers, and dead contractors hanging from overpasses, and completely screwed it up. Instead of setting up a little flytrap for terrorists as your president suggested, the terrorists have actually set up a flytrap for our troops. Iraq's lawmakers are getting kidnapped or executed. We're pouring hundreds of billions of dollars into a fire extinguisher, while watching the fire grow. The country has little electricity, little security, little water, and little hope. We've taken a sovereign nation - albeit ruled by a brutal dictator - and turned it into one of the most violent, dangerous, civil-war bound nations on the planet. Therefore, the reason why don't leave is because we're trying to clean up our mess. We leave now and Iraq officially renames itself to the People's Republican of Taliban. If we stay, we end up fighting against people who are fighting off foreign invaders - until they either die or run out of bullets. It's not exactly a, "should I have the veal, or the lamb" type of choice, but it's what's on the table, brought to you by the smirking smartass you saw desperately trying to fumble through his last press conference.

Regardless of what you think our choices are or should be however, most of our red state, giant beltbuckle wearing, evolution-phobic neighbors in the Republic of Texas are not happy that mothers of dead troops dare ask questions of our President. To the families who have lost loved ones, it's as if many of these people are saying, "sorry to hear about your dead kid. Now shut hell up, buy some more 'support our troops' magnets at Wal-mart, and do you know who was voted off Survivor last night?"

I think the greater point is - mind your damn business. Keep your American flag pendant shined up on your lapel, add your 8th ribbon magnet to your car, and if people keep dying for a cause that we never signed up for, tough shit. How dare you ask questions, educate yourself, or demand answers. People are upset at Cindy, because they feel she's taking it too far and turning this into a political issue.

Well guess what.

The Iraq war IS a political issue. This country and it's media LOVE the grieving mother or grieving widow story, and everyone empathizes - but that empathy stops as soon as said mother starts getting active or political, or does something about her grief. The message here: Mothers are sweet when they're crying holding a crisply folded American flag, but Mothers who question the justification behind their tears are extremists.

Perhaps this is the attitude of one Larry Northern, our favorite ironically named Southern redneck, as he drove his pickup truck trailing a pipe and chains behind it through a display the protesters set up of hand-made crosses, American flag, and names of fallen US soldiers written on them. Larry is most likely a Bush supporter, and therefore a big supporter of the troops - apparently only the living ones (see video of the story here).

Perhaps this is the attitude of Larry #2, Larry Mattlage. He lives next door to Bush and will be damned if these liberal hippy mothers of dead soldiers question his neighbor. He expressed his support of the troops by firing his shotgun twice in the air as a sign of displeasure toward the soldiers' family members. His sense of humor apparently a little more developed than the other Larry, Bush's neighbor said he was getting ready for dove-hunting season (*rim shot*).

Or, maybe this is the attitude of Rush Limbaugh, when about Cindy Sheehan he claims, "her story is nothing more than forged documents. There's nothing about it that's real, including the mainstream media's glomming onto it. It's not real. It's nothing more than an attempt. It's the latest effort made by the coordinated left!"

Or, maybe this was the attitude of our former first lady when she said on good Morning America in 2003, "why should we hear about body bags and deaths? Oh, I mean, it's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?" Way to support the troops, Babbs - now go back to your knitting.

There are always going to be people who oppose all war and a single death related to anything war related is simply a wasted life. I'm not one of those people, and I'm the first to point out that the two World Wars of the last Century had some very real and vital causes, and I don't think Cindy would be protesting her son's death had he fallen in the hands of Hitler's Army.

Iraq is much, much different because the more information we've found out about what got us in this mess, the more Bush and his ChickenHawk cabinet lose their credibility. Specifically:

-We were told by our president not to trust the UN's assertions that they had destroyed most of Saddam's illegal weapons, couldn't find any more, and needed more time to prove that there was nothing there.
-We were told about connections, even though most on the left knew they were false, to Al Qaeda and 9/11. The administration played on the emotions of this country to rally around our nation's newly found patriotism, and turned a positive, more united than ever America into one that is bitterly divided today
-We were told that Iraqis were imprisoned, begging to be liberated by a Western nation and that we'd be greeted with flowers and ticker tape parades. Instead of throwing confetti, they're throwing grenades.
-We were told we could use revenue for Iraq's oil and subsidize this war - hundreds of billions of American dollars later this is obviously not the case.
-We were told we'd fight them over there so we wouldn't have to fight them over there. Tell that to London and Madrid.
-We were told they hate us for our freedom - now Americans are realizing they hate us for our foreign policy. If they hated countries for their freedom, there are plenty of nations out there a lot more liberal and free than us they'd have bombed a long time ago.
-We were told that the nation of Iraq would participate in it's own nation building - but the divisional sects of Muslims are on the bring of civil war with each other, with growing interest from Iran in helping the Shiites, and from the rest of the Arabian peninsula sympathizing with the Sunnis.
-We now have evidence - from authors close to the president like Bob Woodward, to cabinet officials like Paul Oneil, to foreign sources such as the downing street memo that this war was planned from the start and starting it was the full intent of the Administration despite what information we had.

So given that the war is mess, we're losing lives and money and the reasons we were told we needed to go to war turned out not to be true, and the "just trust us" policy of the Bushies has completely collapsed, a lot of Republicans are really upset - not because of reasons I just listed, but because Americans are now starting to do what we should have done 3 years ago - hold the president accountable.

At first glance you might say the Republicans' motto is put up or shut up when it comes to war. Cry at your husband's funeral all you want, but questioning why he died makes you a traitor. But then I was so strongly reminded of the suddenly anti-war republicans during Clinton's war overseas in Kosovo against a brutal dictator slaughtering his people - and I remember the "wag the dog" themes and the "no blood for Monica" outcries and think to myself: "These guys aren't for or against war? They're simply loyal to whatever President Bush wants." In fact, click here to see what some of the same people speaking out against protests toward this Iraq war said about Kosovo.

And I guess that is the kind of brainwashed subservience we're fighting over in Iraq in the first place.

Novak Takes His Ball and Goes Home

Do you ever watch CNN's Crossfire? I don't. It's actually a pretty boring show and it's usually only watched by traveling political types in their hotel rooms while they're waiting for room service to bring their $23 bottle of champagne and the 19 year old Asian hooker to arrive. I did wish I had watched it the other day however, when syndicated columnist and actual authentic treasonist (sorry Ann Coulter) Bob Novak blew his top.

Bob flipped out when serpent-headed James Carville - who really is an ass and has nothing to do with representing true progressives because he's simply an obnoxious, media-head bulldog - challenged him about his Republican spine. Then, as if he were doing his best imitation of my 8-year-old cousin when she's told she can't stay past 7pm at Heather's house, Novak cursed, got up, and left. In the middle of the interview. On live TV. Nice work, Bob.

The only conclusion I can come to about this hilarious incident is this: Bob Novak must have forgotten his Republican Family values pledge momentarily. While not as offensive to the conservatives as a female breast or scrolling names of fallen soldiers in Iraq as a tribute on Nightline, cursing on live tv is certainly against the Republican oath to keep everything as close to 1952 as possible.

In fact, even though conservatives may not care about Bob's article outing a covert CIA agent, the type of groups who monitor the level of gayness on the SpongeBob Squarepants show might have been a little upset about Novak's PG13 outburst.

CNN's decision? They suspended Bob for a bit while he cools down. Because after all, last thing this nation needs right now is guys like Bob endangering national secur....cursing on cable news.

And what does Novak have to say about such foul language? Let's see what he had to say in 2002 on crossfire:

NOVAK: Mr. Walczak, you…probably don’t have much experience with foul mouths. But I can understand what the cops go through, because I have to deal with Begala and Carville. And I’d like you to listen to a little — just a little small selection of what I have to put up with. Would you listen?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BEGALA: We’re going to kick a little right-wing ass.
JAMES CARVILLE, CO-HOST, CROSSFIRE: When these sons of bitches just knocked down two of our buildings.
BEGALA: (UNINTELLIGIBLE) fired my ass at MSNBC.
CARVILLE: If there is a completely neutral person, I don’t want to know the son of a bitch.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
NOVAK: Isn’t that the decline of values in language that is… that is poisoning America?

Bob - I couldn't agree more. You Asshole.