Mmmm...Right Wing Porn

Have you ever noticed that those who repress their sexuality the most in public are the most hypocritical behind closed doors? It goes along with the old saying – the most anti-gay politicians are probably the ones who are gay. I’m looking at you, Mayor Jim West. I’m looking at you, Boy Scout director Douglas Smith.

Anyway – it turns out that many of our favorite Right-Wing, faith-based, vomit-inducing Family Value sexual-phobic friends are actually churning out some of the most interesting sex novels.

Earlier I wrote about O’Reilly’s sex book, but have discovered a couple of others authored by Bill’s perverted friends after listening to last Thursday's Randi Rhoads show.

Scooter’s book was recently highlighted in a New Yorker article, describing some of the content, including “generous mention of lice, snot, drunkenness, bad breath, torture, urine, “turds,” armpits, arm hair, neck hair, pubic hair, pus, boils, and blood (regular and menstrual).”

I’ve decided to take a compilation of the most interesting passages (including more for O’Reilly I didn’t post the first time) from their respective authors below. Get out the baby oil, and enjoy:


Scooter Libby (from his book The Apprentice, 1996) with a little bestiality for you:

"At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest."

Right Wing Columnist (for the "Liberal" New York Times) William Safire (from a book whose title I'm still searching for, as read by Randi Rhoads)

"She finally came to him in the bed and shouted ‘Arragghrrorwr!’ in his ear, bit his neck, plunged her head between his legs and devoured him.”

First Lady Lynne Cheney (from her book Sisters, 1981. Click here for some audio):

Sophie opened it, thinking she should thank Adah, but when she saw what was
inside, she was speechless. There were several small sponges, each in a silken net with a string attached. There were packets labeled "Preventive Powders" and lined up in neat rows. with several dozen condoms.

"There are all these things, you know?" Adah was saying. "But the sheaths really are the best. Sometimes men don't like them."

"Why do we stay? I have no reason beyond a few pupils who would miss me briefly, and your life would be infinitely better away from him. Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl."

Bill O’Reilly (from his book, Those who Trespass, 1998. Click here for audio of Bill Reading the passage below himself – with Randi Rhodes getting grossed out in the background):

Robo used his “product” only occasionally, but tonight was special. He had two fifteen-year-old girls who would do anything for the drug, and he was determined to exploit the situation.

“Say, baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up,” Robo said to one of the girls. She was so intoxicated she had trouble standing, but Robo was her sugar daddy, and as he sat in a filthy, imitation, leather couch, there in the living room of a run-down three-bedroom apartment, she obediently performed oral sex on him.

Five feet away, the other teenage girl sat on a mattress on the floor and watched, greedily sucking on the crack pipe Robo had passed to her. Edgar looked over and
grinned, showing yellow, decaying teeth. Obviously, he preferred oral sex to oral hygiene.

“You’re next, girl, and I want you to do her too,” he ordered. As Robo took the crack pipe back the girl groggily nodded her consent. Inhaling deeply, Robo blew the cocaine smoke out through his nose and mouth. The bitter taste left him feeling powerful, energized, and free of worry. He was bad and he was flush.

And to close it out, you can listen to the O’Reilly porn medley by clicking here.