Why Happy Holidays? Because You Don't Go To My Church
A coworker of mine – and remember I work at a company that is VERY fucking hyper-Christian – recently set up her out-of-office email to say, “Merry Christmas!” to all of those who might email her while she’s on vacation, no doubt recreating Christ’s birth in her garage for the next 11 days.
This reminded me that I haven’t quite expressed my thoughts on the whole Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays slogans around this time of year.
Well, here it is.
I celebrate Christmas. My family celebrates it. Most of my friends do. I wish them a Merry Christmas all the time. It’s a great holiday, why wouldn’t I?
However – to people I don’t know – to business associates whose religion just hasn’t been a topic of conversation yet – and to strangers bagging my groceries at the supermarket, I say Happy Holidays.
Why?
Here’s my Christmas list of reasons:
1. Conservative Christians..please be sure you’re sitting down, because this is going to knock you right through the fucking wall, into the front yard, right through the nativity scene you just bought at Wal-Mart. Not everyone you meet on a daily basis celebrates Christmas. I know this for a fact. Look it up and then Hail Mary yourself until you can sleep it off.
2. There are in fact, other holidays celebrated this time of year. Granted, Hanukkah isn’t as large of a mark on the average Jew’s calendar as Christmas is for the average Christian, or Ramadan for the average Muslim – but this year it happens to start at sundown on the 25th. I will refer to you Adam Sandler for more info.
3. Retailers –the largest group pressured to ram Christmas down your throat and out your ass this time of year, are not REALLY into the whole immaculate conception/manger birth this time of year. They’re really into the commercial benefit Christmas brings this time of year so please – the next time the CEO of Macey’s decides to remind you of Christmas during their Thanksgiving parade, they’re not exactly making a profound religious statement. They’re looking for you show up in their parking lot at 4am the next morning like a garage sale stalker looking for a good deal on a used, soiled computer chair.
4. Very few people who share my opinion are doing so for the thrill of being politically correct. Rather, they’re asking for consideration and maybe, some thought about others’ religious expressions. Thoughtfulness…hmm, that’s still a Christian value, right?
5. Speaking of which…can someone explain to my why those who profess to be Christian and therefore share in values of kindness, consideration and selflessness – are the same ones who keep having trouble with values like kindness, consideration and selflessness?
6. This whole war of Happy Holidays vs Merry Christmas is a perfect example of a fabricated conflict, championed, milked and advocated for by the Republican Party. The more fired up they can get their base up about this, and other issues (Terry Schiavo anyone? Gay marriage anyone? Flag burning anyone? The ENTIRE GOP PLATFORM, anyone?) the more church buses they can get to the polls to make sure boys aren’t kissing after the next election.
7. Expanding on point #5 – the only people really cashing in on the war on Christmas are those who are completely exploiting this topic to their advantage. Right Bill O’Reilly? Right John Gibson?
8. And finally – the war on Christmas is simply a super extension of the “war on Christianity.” The same people who want to teach intelligent design in your kid’s school and plaster 10 Commandments replicas all over your local court house, are the same ones standing over the shoulder of the 15 year old Bath and Body Works cashier making sure she damn well acknowledges baby Jesus to everyone.
As Jon Stewart once said:
"Ahh yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion…. perhaps around their necks? And maybe — dare I dream it? — maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."
Happy holidays everyone. I’m off to do some Christmas shopping.
This reminded me that I haven’t quite expressed my thoughts on the whole Merry Christmas vs Happy Holidays slogans around this time of year.
Well, here it is.
I celebrate Christmas. My family celebrates it. Most of my friends do. I wish them a Merry Christmas all the time. It’s a great holiday, why wouldn’t I?
However – to people I don’t know – to business associates whose religion just hasn’t been a topic of conversation yet – and to strangers bagging my groceries at the supermarket, I say Happy Holidays.
Why?
Here’s my Christmas list of reasons:
1. Conservative Christians..please be sure you’re sitting down, because this is going to knock you right through the fucking wall, into the front yard, right through the nativity scene you just bought at Wal-Mart. Not everyone you meet on a daily basis celebrates Christmas. I know this for a fact. Look it up and then Hail Mary yourself until you can sleep it off.
2. There are in fact, other holidays celebrated this time of year. Granted, Hanukkah isn’t as large of a mark on the average Jew’s calendar as Christmas is for the average Christian, or Ramadan for the average Muslim – but this year it happens to start at sundown on the 25th. I will refer to you Adam Sandler for more info.
3. Retailers –the largest group pressured to ram Christmas down your throat and out your ass this time of year, are not REALLY into the whole immaculate conception/manger birth this time of year. They’re really into the commercial benefit Christmas brings this time of year so please – the next time the CEO of Macey’s decides to remind you of Christmas during their Thanksgiving parade, they’re not exactly making a profound religious statement. They’re looking for you show up in their parking lot at 4am the next morning like a garage sale stalker looking for a good deal on a used, soiled computer chair.
4. Very few people who share my opinion are doing so for the thrill of being politically correct. Rather, they’re asking for consideration and maybe, some thought about others’ religious expressions. Thoughtfulness…hmm, that’s still a Christian value, right?
5. Speaking of which…can someone explain to my why those who profess to be Christian and therefore share in values of kindness, consideration and selflessness – are the same ones who keep having trouble with values like kindness, consideration and selflessness?
6. This whole war of Happy Holidays vs Merry Christmas is a perfect example of a fabricated conflict, championed, milked and advocated for by the Republican Party. The more fired up they can get their base up about this, and other issues (Terry Schiavo anyone? Gay marriage anyone? Flag burning anyone? The ENTIRE GOP PLATFORM, anyone?) the more church buses they can get to the polls to make sure boys aren’t kissing after the next election.
7. Expanding on point #5 – the only people really cashing in on the war on Christmas are those who are completely exploiting this topic to their advantage. Right Bill O’Reilly? Right John Gibson?
8. And finally – the war on Christmas is simply a super extension of the “war on Christianity.” The same people who want to teach intelligent design in your kid’s school and plaster 10 Commandments replicas all over your local court house, are the same ones standing over the shoulder of the 15 year old Bath and Body Works cashier making sure she damn well acknowledges baby Jesus to everyone.
As Jon Stewart once said:
"Ahh yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion…. perhaps around their necks? And maybe — dare I dream it? — maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively."
Happy holidays everyone. I’m off to do some Christmas shopping.
posted by Jeremy at 6:34 PM
5 Comments:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I should point out - my office is not hyper-Christian because one person put "Merry Christmas!" in her email away greeting...
They're hyper-Christian because they literally tell me not to use "the Lord's name in vain."
I'm not kidding. Seriously.
I should also point out, anyone from the office READING THIS FROM HOME needs to get a life and go read other web sites :-)
Well said...I love how some Christians in this country act as if there is NO reminder of Christmas whatsoever in advertising, etc...as if it's an endangered holiday.
I always say Happy Holidays as well because don't forget - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kawanza, Ramadan, New Years - they're all around the same time of year.
Also the Stewart quote at the bottom is classic - love that guy.
Great site, keep up the good work.
"Speaking of which, you think it's you could uh, give me my 20,000 in cash. My concern and I've got to check it with my accounted, but this might bump me up into a higher tax bracket."
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