If I'm Ever Sick, I Pray That You Don't Pray for Me

The results of a new study, the largest ever of its kind, has just been released to observe the effects of prayer on those who are sick. The new study finds the power of prayer, may not be so powerful after all. You know, as if you really needed a study to tell you this.

Here’s how the $2 million study worked:

Overall 2,000 heart patients were subjects, divided in three groups:

1. Some patients received prayers but had no idea people were praying for them.
2. Some patients were not prayed for and again, had no idea this was the case.
3. Patients in the third group got prayers just like group #1, however this group was told they were being prayed for.

The overall health of the patients in all three groups were then evaluated, and the sample size was large enough to produce the most statistically relevant results. The most apparent finding was that the health of the first two groups was not statistically relevant. The fate of those receiving or not receiving prayers were the same.

While this isn’t necessarily surprising news to anyone, what was a bit more unpredicted about the results is this: those who were prayed for actually ended up worse off:

Indeed, researchers at the Harvard Medical School and five other U.S. medical
centers found, to their bewilderment, that coronary-bypass patients who knew
strangers were praying for them fared significantly worse than people who got no
prayers. The team speculated that telling patients about the prayers may have
caused "performance anxiety," or perhaps a fear that doctors expected the worst.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I criticize religion only when it gets out of control by taking doctrine written by men thousands of years ago, embellished to convince people of something, and is applied today to excuse discrimination, to disregard important scientific theories, or to negatively isolate others who don’t practice that same religion. Specifically, when the president of the United States, who holds a secular office by law, uses his religion to justify killing, torturing, and making sure boys aren’t kissing, (because after all, Jesus spoke endlessly to encourage launching smart bombs toward the Holy land) I’m going to speak up until I die.

However – if praying for your aunt Joyce lying in intensive care after unexpected complications from nose reduction surgery makes you feel as though you’re helping her, and gives you some kind of inner peace at the same time, then go nuts.

I mean that sincerely. I think one of the things this study wasn’t designed to hit on was the fact that people often gain emotionally from prayer, and if you can convince yourself that you’re doing something positive, that’s really all that matters in the end. If it provides a form of self-meditation, establishes bonds with others who are praying, or makes you feel closer to whichever entity to which you’ve chosen to pray, then perhaps you’re better off not knowing the reality of the situation. In other words, if it matters to you, it matters to you, and that’s all that matters.

Aside from that, the hard core Terri Schiavo Christians don't care about studies, science, or proof af anything really. Those Harvard book-learnin' types are the Devil's work, and they're too busy trying to explain why Hurricanes and Tornados keep hitting the Bible Belt after all that prayer.

What is critical to understand about this study however, is that it casts yet another spotlight, not on the power of religion, but the power of people’s minds to interpret every day events as fate or as having divine meaning. It’s one of the first things you learn in your Psychology 101 – people tend to ignore information that doesn’t fit their preconceived expectations, but overassign significance to the events that do. If you go out on 100 fishing trips, each time praying that you catch a Striper, you’re going to be more likely to ignore the ineffectiveness of your prayer the 99 times you got skunked, but bask in your glorious relationship with God the one time you land the big one. Did God really answer your prayers? No, the gods of chance and likelihood did, because each time you attempt to get a result, the more likely that result is going to occur.

Again, this all sounds so simple, it makes me feel as though I’m trying I’m falsely trying to claim authority on the very theories that most people learn to accept by their early teens. However to some, (just check out the title of this web page and you’ll get it) all of this isn’t quite so simple, and in fact many Americans truly believe that the narcissism of asking favors of God like he was Santa Clause actually produces positive results, whereas just the opposite might be occurring:

In this time of testing for our nation, my family and I have been blessed by the prayers of countless of Americans. We have felt their sustaining power and we're
incredibly grateful. - George W. Bush 2/7/02

Like I said, we didn’t really need a study, now did we?